Yesterday afternoon, I read 473 reviews for a garlic press. My wife thinks I hav
By John Aspinall ✱ · February 18, 2026 · Curated by George's Blog
Yesterday afternoon, I read 473 reviews for a garlic press.
My wife thinks I have finally lost my mind.
I told her I was hunting for gold.
And I found it in a one-star review from a grandmother in Ohio who complained that her arthritic hands couldn't squeeze the handles.
There is your headline.
⤷ There is your positioning.
Too many of you are treating Amazon like a slot machine.
You are obsessed with the A9 algorithm, PPC bids, and "hacking" your way to page one.
You are drowning in data, yet you know absolutely nothing about the men and women you expect to buy your goods.
You are treating the consumer like a metric.
→ But the consumer is not a metric.
She is your wife.
⤷ She is not a moron who can be tricked by a keyword-stuffed title.
She wants to know if the garlic press will hurt her hands.
If I were launching a brand on Amazon today, I would ignore the shiny new AI tools for a week and go back to basics:
1. Do your homework.
You cannot bore people into buying your product. Read the reviews - especially the bad ones. That is where you find the "enemy signals" your competitors are ignoring.
2. Give me the facts.
Stop saying your product is the "best" or "high quality." These are empty words. They convince nobody. Tell me your stainless steel is 18/10 grade. Tell me it weighs 12 ounces. Specifics sell. Generalities do not.
3. Stop being a commodity.
There are 500 other garlic presses. If you compete only on price, you are doomed to a race to the bottom. Build a brand image. Give your product a personality. A "first-class ticket." If you don't, you will pass like a ship in the night.
4. Write to one person.
When you write your bullet points, do not address a crowd. Write to that grandmother in Ohio. Tell her you fixed the handle.
It is unfashionable today to speak of "selling."
We prefer "engagement" or "brand love."
Lame.
Your job is to sell.
And you cannot sell to a person you do not respect enough to understand.